All of a sudden I realise I have been affected by a disease. I really don’t know when it happened. But am sure it has happened. Even a few in my close circle confirm that. I googled and to my relief I found that I’m not alone – there are many, many around. I have been living alone for quite some time now and in an attempt to break my monotony I met up with one of my uncles.
But you could have come in an auto rickshaw…you see the roads are clogged everywhere and…the traffic jam. And your bike..what’s the mileage? I gave a random number between 40 and 50. He continued, Yeah! That’s obvious. You see…the dense smoke coming out…and the noise. The filter needs to be cleaned…and the battery is also old. Once you do that mileage would reach even 80 or 90 (kmpl). I had a Bajaj Super scooter…it used to give me 75. It was excellent. I nodded. Laughed loudly; inside me. But these auto fellows…we should also go for CNG autos like in Delhi. But that was also not a success. In Sydney…
He continued his world tour and presented me a snapshot of the latest energy technologies. 20% fact. 80% fiction. I nodded. In the mean time I saw the neighbour barging in. He joined the talk. You read today’s [news]paper?! In the GH, they had interchanged two dead bodies…and only after the cremation the families found it out! Now looking at me, Where did you get that specs? I answered. You see there is a slight deviation in the power…I can see it from this angle. The image is abnormally distorted. My father was an eye doctor…Yeah…these days the opticians use computer, machine etc to check our eyes…during those days it was just a small lens and a newspaper…the prescription was perfect. You should go the eye hospital down the road here. They.. He continued. It ended in: Exams were difficult those days…not like now. I felt suffocated.
His wife joined us. The TV was on. A comedy show was going on. We laughed for a while. She started abruptly, looking at my uncle. Did you not try the v-si booster for your TV? Those grains in the corner…our TV is crystal clear. I wondered what that damn vsi-asi stuff was. You have spent 320 rupees extra!! Her talk ended.
The little kid who had been to the school, returned. He flung his tiny shoes in different directions, threw his bag and ran up to his dad to snatch the TV remote control. Pogo channel. Hey….kiddo. Get back from the TV…the UV rays are not good for your eyes. And give me the remote…we can watch Animal Geographic. The kid did not look up. I continued: We should watch TV from a distance of 6-7 feet away. But that LG DiNeX is fantastic…we can even sit with our noses touching the screen…it is a very advanced...yeah..TV. Advanced TV. I finished with: Exams are getting easy these days.
My google results made me know a few more things about the disease.
Name: MCA – Multiple Collateral Advicerosis
Whom it affects:Everyone is vulnerable.
When: MCA sets with age and reaches a peak around 65-70 years of age. However Sciences journal reports cases with double peaks, with the first peak setting around 40-45 years of age. In some highly exceptional cases triple peaks are also reported.
Symptoms: The patient starts giving out free advice (ineffective and boring counseling sessions conducted without any apparent need thereby inducing a feeling of suffocation to the victim). One more peculiarity is that the patient will cross the thin boundary between fact and fiction, in most cases unknowingly, due to the overwhelming desire to talk (or write*) and being heard.
Cause: APA’s Psycho and Hayward Medical Review 2000 point out MCA could possibly be due to the presence of the speech organ – mouth; also due to the improper affecto-cognitive behavioural tendencies bordering around narcissism and the lack of sympathy for others.
Diagnosis: Cellphone test, Newspaper test, FM radio test and Blog test*.
Treatment: A trans-national, multi-cultural, collaborative research in under progress in an undisclosed location in New Delhi, India.
Until then...keep giving!
But you could have come in an auto rickshaw…you see the roads are clogged everywhere and…the traffic jam. And your bike..what’s the mileage? I gave a random number between 40 and 50. He continued, Yeah! That’s obvious. You see…the dense smoke coming out…and the noise. The filter needs to be cleaned…and the battery is also old. Once you do that mileage would reach even 80 or 90 (kmpl). I had a Bajaj Super scooter…it used to give me 75. It was excellent. I nodded. Laughed loudly; inside me. But these auto fellows…we should also go for CNG autos like in Delhi. But that was also not a success. In Sydney…
He continued his world tour and presented me a snapshot of the latest energy technologies. 20% fact. 80% fiction. I nodded. In the mean time I saw the neighbour barging in. He joined the talk. You read today’s [news]paper?! In the GH, they had interchanged two dead bodies…and only after the cremation the families found it out! Now looking at me, Where did you get that specs? I answered. You see there is a slight deviation in the power…I can see it from this angle. The image is abnormally distorted. My father was an eye doctor…Yeah…these days the opticians use computer, machine etc to check our eyes…during those days it was just a small lens and a newspaper…the prescription was perfect. You should go the eye hospital down the road here. They.. He continued. It ended in: Exams were difficult those days…not like now. I felt suffocated.
His wife joined us. The TV was on. A comedy show was going on. We laughed for a while. She started abruptly, looking at my uncle. Did you not try the v-si booster for your TV? Those grains in the corner…our TV is crystal clear. I wondered what that damn vsi-asi stuff was. You have spent 320 rupees extra!! Her talk ended.
The little kid who had been to the school, returned. He flung his tiny shoes in different directions, threw his bag and ran up to his dad to snatch the TV remote control. Pogo channel. Hey….kiddo. Get back from the TV…the UV rays are not good for your eyes. And give me the remote…we can watch Animal Geographic. The kid did not look up. I continued: We should watch TV from a distance of 6-7 feet away. But that LG DiNeX is fantastic…we can even sit with our noses touching the screen…it is a very advanced...yeah..TV. Advanced TV. I finished with: Exams are getting easy these days.
My google results made me know a few more things about the disease.
Name: MCA – Multiple Collateral Advicerosis
Whom it affects:Everyone is vulnerable.
When: MCA sets with age and reaches a peak around 65-70 years of age. However Sciences journal reports cases with double peaks, with the first peak setting around 40-45 years of age. In some highly exceptional cases triple peaks are also reported.
Symptoms: The patient starts giving out free advice (ineffective and boring counseling sessions conducted without any apparent need thereby inducing a feeling of suffocation to the victim). One more peculiarity is that the patient will cross the thin boundary between fact and fiction, in most cases unknowingly, due to the overwhelming desire to talk (or write*) and being heard.
Cause: APA’s Psycho and Hayward Medical Review 2000 point out MCA could possibly be due to the presence of the speech organ – mouth; also due to the improper affecto-cognitive behavioural tendencies bordering around narcissism and the lack of sympathy for others.
Diagnosis: Cellphone test, Newspaper test, FM radio test and Blog test*.
Treatment: A trans-national, multi-cultural, collaborative research in under progress in an undisclosed location in New Delhi, India.
Until then...keep giving!
[*appended after the recent pathbreaking studies at the Linguistics dept, University of Blogotham, New Yolk]
8 comments:
Anna.. sooper post...
:) when Kuka says that it really means a lot!! danks paa....
Haha... hilarious da!! Suggest you cut down on your visits to such uncles. ;)
:) danks da!!
waiting for your posts..will it be only after marriage?!
sundar,
An observation.ur post have become intense nowadays and complex too..To enjoy the humour also we need to crack the complexity to enjoy ...do write like this...Very good going..
This post was uproarious
hey!:) thanks mama!!!
ya..i too had the same thing in mind when i posted that mca one da...:)
but what to do...posts reflect my mood and am intense many times! will make them fewer in future da..hopefully...
Actually I dont know why these days all humour has to be directed at the elders. It is not that this is something we did not indulge, but I must confess it was not of this magnitude. But I dont think I can shoulder all the blame on you. It is, I think, the changing age profile that ensures a a supportive and encouraging audience for such write-up. In fact, last month at Samy's marriage, when I asked for an old newspaper to wipe a chair which was dirty, I found this article written by Swami Kirukananda on how intolerance towards advice is the first sign kaliyuga, energy crisis, and nuclear winter. I think you must go and listen to his discourses one of these days. He is such a powerful speaker that he is regularly called for slum removal, displacing people from proposed big dams, etc. In fact, it was after his discourse that the Nano factory got expediently shifted. Promise me that you will go.
Thanks so much for your lovely... advice !
;)
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