One of the greatest leaders of our freedom struggle, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru was also the first prime minister of free India. As a long-serving head of free India, though Nehru may be criticised for his ostensibly flawed approach on matters like J&K, secularism, Sino-Indian relations that led to backstabbing, Hindi policy, etc. no soul can discount the leader’s unparalleled contribution to our nation building. India is what it is mainly because of the untiring efforts and grand vision of its first prime minister. Specifically talking about Panchsheel (Five Principles of Peaceful Coexistence), the foundation block of the Sino-Indian relations of our early years, it is often criticised for the simple, harsh fact that at the end of the day the Chinese attacked us, and won the war too. But if you dig deep, Panchsheel is not just about two countries avoiding wars and being friends; Panchsheel can also be the secret to domestic bliss. And here is how and why.
Rule 1: Mutual respect for each other's territorial integrity and sovereignty
The first principle (rule) is about not taking your spouse for granted. Suppose you are to pick up your husband from his office on the way home but you are running late. Say, instead of the usual 4:00 PM you are reaching him only by 4:14 PM. In such situations you should not recklessly assume that he is too dumb to mind the delay. For all that you know he may end up passing those precious minutes smoking or playing Candy Crush – but that is not going to disturb the truth that he is angry at you. As per Rule 1, you should have just texted him: Reaching asap. That is all it takes. Smart minds will note that once you send out this Godly message, you are free to do anything, free to reach anytime. But just respect him. Just respect her.
Rule 2: Mutual non-aggression
Oh yes! This Rule is so basic that any creature with even a little sense of self-respect could understand its importance. But to decipher its meaning, you have to look at this: There is a talk about the interior of your new home. You favourite theme is melange, you know.. a classy medley of mint and lilac. But your wife thinks India bleeds blue. She needs blue even on the mirrors, the bath tub and hair oil. Just blue. Talks, discussions, arguments, altercations, and finally the culmination of events that make you hurl your tea cup on the unfinished floor and get out of the house – with all the accompanying noises of porcelain breaking, chai splashing and the door banging. You think you had had the last word, the last action to be precise. But wait. The Cello cup and saucer set you got as a wedding gift has eleven more tea cups in it. And the other side need not rely on a tea cup to create storms. It may be a TV. It may be the car. Aggression is very much a part of the give-and-take galaxy. Be sensible. Be safe.
Rule 3: Mutual non-interference in each other's internal affairs
Wait, don’t read it too closely. Panchsheel would not have anything so violative of our sanskaar. Affairs just means matters of life, the routine things that add up to the beautiful construct called life. Your wife loves to keep her Bullet 500 spick and span and spends the first two hours of every new day caring for it. At the break of dawn she goes down with a bucket of water in her hands and cleans the bike to the point that the black paint wears off and the bike begins to dissolve. But never mind it as long as your breakfast is in tact; and more importantly as long as she does not order you too to join the Bullet ritual. But whatever you do, at least share your mobile and bank account passwords with your spouse. Do not stretch the Rule of mutual non-interference to the limit of using two different remote controls for the same bedroom AC.
Rule 4: Equality and cooperation for mutual benefit
Unity is strength, and power is in numbers. That is very clear. But the Rule 4, also stresses on the concept of equality. Just take out a day or two to think about the word ‘Equality’. You start to realise what it means. For practical purposes let us not break our backs differentiating between ‘equal’ and ‘equivalent’. In the context of family both are same (equal?). For natural reasons, no man can deliver babies, in fact no male animals have the capacity to lay eggs or give birth to the young ones. Relax, I’m just trying to build my exposition here. A corollary is that all the animals that lay eggs or produce young ones are termed as ‘females’. The complementary half is termed as ‘male’. It is just a matter of nomenclature. That is how things are. To keep it short, both the sexes are equal. They are entitled to certain exclusive, non-transferable capabilities, rights and well, duties too. A better understanding of all this will lead to a sense of equality and cooperation that will result in increased numbers. After all, power is in numbers; And power delivers mutual benefit.
Rule 5: Peaceful co-existence
If I were given a mandate to choose just one, the most definite Rule from the five, my choice would be this: Rule 5 – Peaceful co-existence. Pilots are required to look at some hundreds of readings. If they fail to check even a single parameter the flight is doomed, they say. Family life is something similar. But the only thing is that once the flight goes to the auto pilot mode you should not be bothering about the tens of flickering bulbs and beeping circuits in the cockpit. What is more important is whether you are having a safe and smooth flying or not. The little distortions here and there do not have the real potential to make the journey wobbly. Lights glow, beeps come and go as that is the fundamental nature of a beep, but the flying should continue above the clouds, overlooking the blue seas, near the moon, and around the rising sun. Anyway in case of emergency, there are life jackets and oxygen masks, hopefully.
And they tried living happily ever after!
