The 7 Habits of Highly Defective People

Habit 1 — Don’t work. Just network. The human mind and soul are designed to follow the path of least resistance. Left to itself the body avoids work. I’m sure you can’t disagree. Self-preservation is a basic nature of all things living as we all have only a limited reserve of energy. Unless we get our daily dose of inspirational quotes or have a Martin Luther King wallpaper we just won’t be able to do anything that needs even an ounce of effort more than what is essential for our survival. Don’t blame yourself for that, it is the way we were all created (evolved?). Accept it. Throw the stuff like ‘No pain, No gain’ into the dirtiest bins and just go with the natural flow of life— don’t waste energy, spend it judiciously. Just get a smartphone and restrict your work to Whatsapp, Twitter, FB and ‘Gram.

Habit 2 — The best decision is no decision. It was like any other day and I was chatting with my auto rickshaw driver as he was wading through the stinking sub-lanes of Bangalore. He was in great distress. The cops were harassing him routinely, for no fault of his. The reason? Kumar (his name) was a normal man a few years ago. But certain situations motivated him to make some ‘life changing’ decisions. And from then on he has been serving the society in a unique way. With the support of a connected NGO, he has been assisting the local cops in giving a dignified funeral for unclaimed bodies in the city. A noble cause, in deed. Down the line he may even get a Magsaysay. Things were smooth and nice until the day when Kumar picked up an orphaned body that had a deep knife injury on its neck. Now his life is entangled with law, criminals and screwed up roads. All of us have the tendency to make sudden ‘life-changing’ decisions and striving to live by them. It may be as simple as deciding to wake up at 4:15 AM daily or saying no to cigarettes as a part of the annual new year celebrations. But wait. Control the urge. Whenever you have the itch to make that life-altering decision — just think of ‘Auto’ Kumar.

Habit 3 — Be safe; Be with the crowd. There was this guy who lost his skull when he tried to bungee jump in some remote area in the Southern hemisphere. He wanted to prove to the world that he was destined for something higher, a greater calling, singular challenges, perhaps. But alas! He is no more. He failed to approach his life from the perspective of evolutionary sociology. As humans, we all have an innate desire to be in groups and to do things that all others do. In fact as the super author Noah Harari has expounded in one of his best sellers, the ability to form huge and complex groups has been the single most defining feature that had set our species apart from chimpanzees, ants and the assorted others. Basically, man is a social animal. It is all for a reason. Respect it. Just imagine if all of us decide that we have superior calling in our lives and start treading our own, different paths. Simple — the human race as a whole will collapse. It may not be the machines but the cockroaches will surely take us over. So just stick with the crowd. Keep your natural instinct in tact. Don’t venture out. At the end of the day it helps to be alive.

Habit 4 — Over-promise; Under-deliver. Imagine you were on a holiday boat ride. Pleasant weather, nice music, breath-taking beauty all around. Suddenly, you hear intense, beast-like cries of a drowning man. Your natural instinct kicks in. You shout, ‘Hang on! I’m getting you a life boat!’ But without any extra effort you pick up a worn out rope lying under your feet and throw it at him. He clasps it for his life. His head above water, he is ecstatic now. He is alive! The old, dirty rope saved him. He jumps into your boat and hugs you like you were his mother. Wait, is he going yell at you, ‘Hey moron! Where is my life boat?’? No, not at all. Human mind is just unmatched in its ability to adapt. A mere promise can make a mind jump with happiness; But a semi-failed promise is not good enough to make a mind get sucked up into the spiralling quagmire of despondency. In easy words, we are better at rationalising things than getting depressed. In the easiest possible terms, it just means — words speak louder than action. Use it to your benefit.

Habit 5— Delegate everything; Claim everything. A fundamental rule in investing is to spread risks. Only an under-developed person puts all his eggs in one basket. Banking on the adage, Habit 5 also takes some strength from Habit 1. It is all inter-connected. Project your energy in as many directions, and on as many people, while actually ensuring that you don’t spend any bit of energy yourself. As a theory it sounds complex but it is easy to practice. Clear? Well, the practical utility of Habit 5 for managers needs no explaining. For the common man you just need to understand that the habit encapsulates so many things. It is like a mammoth tapestry of finely synthesised philosophies of our race. Remember the famous question? Who was the most important person in the field of psychology? Answer — Freud’s mother. Habit 5 works on these lines. It has the potential to cover the entire spectrum of human activity and achievements. Sample this — Just now the news broke that a Kenyan has accomplished the first ever sub two-hour marathon. Let us put to use Habit 5 here. Don’t forget that you too had a role in his record. You stayed away from the race. Pat yourself!

Habit 6— Share, but keep secrets. In most cases, half-baked knowledge is useless and at times, it is fatal too. Remember, how the lion-hearted boy Abhimanyu got killed in the battle of Kurukshetra? He was taught how to break into the enemy defence, but he was clueless about the techniques needed to emerge out of the enemy camp alive. But he was wise enough to know that he did not know enough. But there are millions of us who don’t even know that we don’t know enough. I remember a Japanese (was it Chinese?) proverb — there is no one who knows everything, and there is also no one who knows nothing. All of us are middling beings. Reality. So there is nothing wrong if you hold back secret pieces of learning. Don’t distribute all you know to others. Share knowledge and develop people. But in today’s world where information is no more a rare commodity, you will do good to yourselves if you hold back some vital pieces of the jigsaw. For instance, you could Tweet, ‘Without taking a single breath… Sucssflly spent 143 secs UNDERWATER!!!!’ But you need not Tweet it was in your dreams.